The Spanner in the Works

There's comes a time when being 'the spanner' as one person so eloquently put it, gets old.

I don't know what I'm doing differently and for once, it would be nice, if someone would just man up.

However, I do not want to use this blog to simply moan in code (although that is one thing it is good for, as I dislike saying this to others as you never know who its going to get back too, and I always worry that people will think I do nothing but constantly moan and whinge about myself).

So in other news, am I too young to like countdown?? I am stuck in a cultural limbo as on one side of me is my sister (21 and still watches CBBC, although she does have a daughter) and on the other side there is myself and abi, both whom secretly love Countdown.  Even though it makes us feel stupid sometimes.

Opinions??

Single, unemployed, ready for life..?

Whilst life is on one hand shite at the moment and on the other hand kind of good, I really have no idea what I'm doing!

Oh well, Halloween on Monday Woohoo!! I love Halloween as I remember it being such a fun occasion when I was younger.  Always a fun dinner, Hocus Pocus, occasional trick or treating and a little bit of sweets and staying up late! You've gotta love it!

And then of course, you've got the fact that the build up to Christmas has already started! I'm doing amazingly well with my Christmas presents this year and have got most of them already!!

On the other hand - everyone is settling down with some sort of partner ready for Winter and this is definitely the time of year when you feel the most alone! I'm also completely unemployed which is depressing as hell, and I seem to have lost all motivation to actually search for a job.

Just to cap this feeling of being unworthy off, its Graduation next week.  Oh god.  So basically, I feel completely unprepared for life and get to turn up to Graduation next week with every other person asking "so what are you upto now?" and having to reply, oh y'know, UNEMPLOYED, SINGLE, POOR.  Brilliant.

BUT I must remain cheerful as always and keep me chin up!!

Happy Halloween!

Still rubbish at blogging!

It makes me laugh that every time I post a blog, I vow to myself that I will try and keep it up and blog more regularly but it never happens.

So the end of University is nigh! Four years, 32 modules, 4608 lectures, countless assignments and priceless memories.  I've absolutely loved my time at University and I feel as though I should have more to say about it.  It has been amazing.  I've enjoyed every minute of the past four years and many thank you's should go out to every person who has made me smile.  Unfortunately, these people are far too many to mention by name so I'm not going to mention anyone but please believe that I love each and every one of you! I also wish you all luck in the years to come with whatever you may get up to.  8 days to go.  Let's go out with a bang!!

Pick an emotion and stick with it!

The reason for the title of this particular blog is because I could not decide what to title it, I can't decide if I am stressed or relaxed, happy or frustrated.

The past week or so has actually been a lot of fun, chilling out with Miss Abi Thornicroft for a few days was excellent (as per usual) but also had some fun sunny day times with some others as well, Simon and Chloe.  Both of which are people, whilst I am very good friends with them, I would not before have thought of spending the whole day just the two of us, however I am extremely glad I did.  So a big thank you goes out to all three of those people, I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with you and it helped keep me sane in this crazy time.

Speaking of said crazy time, this is why I can't decide if I'm stressed or relaxed.  On one hand, I've written an essay and a presentation in the past week and got both of those out of the way, so I feel I deserve to relax for a while, but unfortunately that is not viable thanks to this bloody thing we call a Dissertation.  It is unbelievable how stressful writing a dissertation really is.  Every time you get a little bit done towards it, you feel you should do more, and I always feel as if I should be happy that I've got as much done as I have but I know that I've still got a seriously long way to go with it still so it continues to stress me out.  Gah.

There are many other things that are needed to discuss but they are things that I feel I should keep to myself, they are not suitable to be divulged in this particular medium.  But it is enough for me to know that I have put them out there, even in this small way.

For Lee :)

Dear Lee, 

My apologies that it has taken me so long to do this!  But here is my blog focusing on your suggestions because I'm rubbish and forget to blog very consistently!!

Describe your perfect male?

Hmmm, interesting questions, to be honest I really struggle to answer something like that because I've never met them!  They'd be confident but humble, intelligent but not cocky, funny but not in a cruel or crude way, kind but not so much that they let people walk all over them, in a way, my perfect male would be someone who was similar to how I want to be but male.  Able to have a real argument about something and not just dissolve in to tears or walk out!  That is a very difficult question LeeLee, but a good one nonetheless!

Do you think people can change?

Yes, unequivocally yes.  But I don't think they can do it consciously.  Change is something that happens slowly over time, like the way that water can completely change the landscape of something over a period of millions of years without you even noticing that it was doing it.  I know I've changed a lot over the years and I know I will continue to change as different things affect and influence me.  I've seen people change in different ways before my eyes, from people that I like in to people that I don't and the other way around.  

However I don't think you can change yourself just because you say you are going to.  Change is something that takes a lot of time and its usually caused by outside things that affect you.

In other news...

I don't like my job particularly :(

I know it's money and everything but its making me so tired and its messing with my sleep patterns and it is a contributing factor to why I'm so behind in my Dissertation.  I don't know if I'm going to be able to keep it up.  

Also, some people need to think about how their actions affect the feelings of others.  Seriously.

So...I'm rubbish at Blogging LOL

So I keep forgetting to Blog but I figure hey, I don't wanna be tied down to this so I'm just gonna blog when I feel like it.

This is a pre-Lent blog.  Tomorrow is the beginning of Lent and I am giving up Junk Food.  Here is a full list of what I believe that entails -
Maccy's
KFC
Subway
Pizza
Indian
Chinese
Sweets
Crisps
Chocolate

So those are the things I shall be giving up.  I'm gonna keep things like bread and such on there so that I can still eat at Uni if I need too, don't wanna kill myself lol.

I shall be attempting to use this blog as a way of keeping track of things.
:)


So that is what

A good day

Today was a good day :)

Had a nice lie-in this morning although I have got far to used to getting up early, kept waking up.
On the flip side, good time Campaigning with Kerrie and had a tasty lunch etc etc.

Hustings this evening went rather well I thought.  Have to say that Stuart Andrews and Richard Dean are both very worthy candidates for VP Student Experience and I will be thrilled to bits no matter which of us wins.  They're really nice guys and even I'm torn on who to vote for! lol.

Came home to a lovely dinner cooked for me by Blow Face and now just chilling and watching a film.

Very nice day.  Wish I'd got some work done and things such as that but it was still a very nice day.

Busy day tomorrow but included within is a trip to Stratford, rather looking forward to it provided we can all remain stress free for the day.

Sunday, Monday, Happy Days :)

Right so I promised that this post would be on a slightly more cheerful theme so I shall list the things that are making me smile at the moment.

1. Having the ability to earn money and thereby stand on my own two feet.
2. The fact that my lovely family are coming up to see 'Midsummer Night's Dream' very soon!
3. Excitement about Cole's Birthday Weekend Bonanza.  (As I am calling it in my head.)
4.  Having good friends who are coming to help me tomorrow so that my head doesn't explode.
5. Nice customers at work.
6. Working with nice people.
7. The fact that the Elections are nearly over.
8. The nice American man fixing my lampshade.
9. The fact that slowly but surely I can see the spotlight show coming together.
10. By the end of this week I will have an introduction to my Dissertation.
11. The fact that I still get to move home this summer and spend time with my family.
12. The fact that I could learn to drive this summer.
13. Only three more essays to write and then I never have to write one again.
14. The fact that I am enjoying LoCo rehearsals a lot more than I expected I would.
15. The fact that I am not completely skint at the moment, which is a rare development for me :)
16.  The fact that someday soon it will be warm and sunny all day.

See? I told you I wasn't all doom and gloom.  However I thought writing this list might make me feel a little better but it doesn't particularly.  I think I need to focus more on the good stuff in my life and stop stressing about the bad.  Also lists, I need to make more lists.  I like lists.

Don't Panic!

So, we're all under a lot of stress at the moment right? For one reason or another we are all panicking about Uni/Work/Economy, well this particular post is just for me to make a list of the things that are stressing me and try and organise them.

Okay so bang in at the top of the list you've got work.  Brand new job, still learning the ropes, can't be doing with uppity little cows who think they're the shit even though they have no authority over me or any of the other people I'm working with.  I know I'm new but leave me to get on with it, I'll get there eventually.
Other than that I quite like my job, the hours are long and my feet and legs pretty much constantly hurt at the moment but that will pass and its good money for not a huge amount of hard work.

In it at number two - "A Midsummer Night's Dream".  Now if any of the cast are reading this  - DON'T PANIC!  Everything will be fine in the end, I'm just stressing about having to put together the set/lights/backstage crew when at the moment I feel like I have neither the time nor the energy to do any of these but I just need to realise that come the end of this week it will all be sorted and come the end of the week after that it will all be over (eep!).  I'm sure its going to be a fantastic show, I'm just terrified by how much of it relies on me.  - Take note future Director, plan early and start making your set asap!!

Number three, Dissertation.  Ah how that word is the bane of my life.  Enough said really.

Number four, having no time.  I know everyone complains that they don't have a day off etc. but I really don't! Mondays I have LoCo and sometimes work, Tuesdays I have a lecture, Wednesday I have a lecture and Spotlight rehearsals, Thursday I have work, Friday I have LoCo, Saturday and Sunday I have work.  Aaargh!! I just miss the days when every day was a day off!!

Coming in at number five we have campaigning! Now much as I would love to win this thing, and get the job that I've wanted since I started Uni, its got to a point now where it has caused so much tension (particularly between a certain two people) that I just don't see the reasoning behind it anymore, I mean I don't understand why it has got to the point where it is such a big thing in life!!

Number six is moving house! They say the two most stressful things you will ever do (assuming that you die peacefully in your bed and don't have to spend hours worrying about death) are move house and get married. I have to say I totally agree with this.  Particularly when you suddenly realise that you won't be able to afford to continue where you are living after a certain date and realise that you will have to sell a lot of the possessions that you have grown accustomed to. I love the fact that I own my own three piece suite but at the end of the day, I just have to face facts, its going to have to go, I can't afford to store it and I'm now panicking about what I can and can't keep/where i'm going to store it all and how I'm going to get it down to Somerset!!

Now, in reality there are a few other things that are stressing me out here as well, in particular silly little arguments that keep breaking out amongst my group of friends but I realise that it is all down to the fact that we are all staring down the barrel of a gun at the moment in terms of our futures and tensions are running high!!

I have a theory, that as soon as the sun starts shining on a regular basis, we will be fine :)

Tomorrow, in order to counteract this depressing little opening blog, I shall write one about all the people/things that make me happy.  Hopefully that will cheer me up too. Tomorrow I shall also be making two thrones...I can't sew...should be interesting!