Dude, I think we just fixed church.

So, its still only six days in to 2012 and it is still not getting any better.  It was supposed to be my final day working for tesco tomorrow but I have come down with this absolutely horrendous stomach bug today, slept all day and I am now wide awake.  So hence, the blog.  Having said that, I still don't feel a 100% and part of me is thinking that it was my last day anyway, so its not like they're going to fire me for not going in tomorrow, especially as I do genuinely seem to be ill and it is looking like I won't be getting a lot of sleep tonight anyway.  Although having said that I did wake up at like half three which is not the latest I've ever slept in.

Anyway, on the flip side, I am seriously excited for How I Met Your Mother themed birthday bash in Wootown on Thursday (just six days to go!).  That is also a the reason for the title of this post.  A little worried about how my costume is going to turn out.  Maybe a little too slutty and a little worried that anyone who doesn't know about How I Met Your Mother is going to think that I have just dressed in an orange dress with weird holes in it, three months too late for Halloween.

There again, this time six years ago, I literally would not have cared about what people thought of how I looked.  Which is worrying when you think about it, where did all that confidence go?? I used to be one of the most super confident and relaxed people in the world.  Where has that gone? How do I get it back?  I personally think the answer to those questions lies in me being happy with who I am again, and I don't know if that means changing certain things that I am unhappy with or learning to live with them.  At the moment it feels as though I need outside acceptance in order for me to be happy with who I am, but I know better than most that outside acceptance just makes you crave outside acceptance from more people and therefore clearly doesn't work.  I have a horrible feeling that this low self-esteem is also coming from being in a place where I just don't know where my life is headed and I'm not spending a huge amount of time with any of my best friends anymore and when we do spend time together we are so incredibly focused on making sure we have fun that I think sometimes we forget all the little things that we wanted to talk to each other about before we met up.  I know it sounds weird that I'm making that a negative but if you think about it deeply I think you'll understand why.

Okay, just realised this probably reads like a stream of conciousness so perhaps I am a little more tired than I first alluded too so I'm gonna sign off now.

Is anyone reading this btw?